Reflections: "What Matters Most"


December 15, 2018

Today was a magical day, definitely the highlight of my trip to Costa Rica thus far. Marissa and I woke in Puerto Viejo and went to her favorite breakfast spot, “Bread and Chocolate.” It was absolutely amazing, and we departed the Caribbean Ocean and headed for her village where she has been serving for the past 17 months in the Peace Corps. We’ve rented a car for this adventure and at this point have averted disaster. In Costa Rica, many of the bridges are one lane, and it’s sort of a race to establish “right of way.” I started quite timid and have gradually gained confidence. Needless to say the challenge of driving with single lane roads, where double-yellow lines seem more like guidelines rather than absolutes, with motos passing on either side and many folks riding bicycles (some eloquently equipped with 1 or 2 car seats for infants)…the Costa Rican slogan “Pura Vida” has been more like “Dios Mio” for this gringo.

We arrived at Marissa’s cabin at about 11:30am and I was both surprised and impressed. My surprise was the absolute remoteness of her casa. We arrived via gravel roads for about the last 15 kilometers. Her house is a “bono house,” a home given by the government that meet certain requirements. On one hand, what a gift….on the other, (just like in Estados Unidos) the government placed no consideration of the cultural norms of the people who live here. Essentially her house is comprised of two bedrooms…hers with a mosquito net, and mine, sleeping on the floor wrestling geckos. Her bathroom has a single faucet for her shower (dad stepped in and installed a new shower head in lieu of just a pipe from the wall), a toilet, and a sink with a single spicket. There is no “hot water.” Why would there be….we endured 90+ degree heat with near 100% humidity today 😊Note that her “house” doesn’t include a “kitchen” per say, instead….there was an addition built with hard woods from Costa Rica which are gorgeous and would cost a significant amount in the states…..and in the addition she has a propane gas tank sitting on the floor connected to a 3-burner stove. The addition is where I’m sitting as I type….there is a table made of planks and two simple stools. The addition is amazing in terms of providing a larger “footprint” but there are no windows, only holes with bars….and the floor planks allow one to see the ground below (and also invites gecko friends in to party).

The bulk of our day was spent at Marissa’s friend, Kathia, who is an indigenous BriBri woman. I walked away with an amazing respect for our world, this woman and her family, and questioning everything that I know about civilization. Kathia gave us a tour of her “finca” (farm) that is passed down from generation to generation through the women. Lineage in Costa Rica, in the BriBri culture is traced through the clan, and the clan is defined by the woman. Kathia has two sons, 20 and 10, and in addition to managing the family finca also works as a school counselor at the night high school in a neighboring community. Kathia is one of the “richest” women I’ve met in my lifetime…but they don’t own a car and I suspect don’t have millions in the bank. What she does have is a rich family culture, steeped in BriBri tradition and the ability, on her finca, to 100% sustain her family. I was struck by the simplicity and complexity of their housing situation. In addition to the home, Kathia also has a “ranchito” which is an outdoor plaza, essentially covered by leaves….which by the way are 100% waterproof, and make the living space much cooler than the “bono houses” that are covered by tin. Kathia shared with me that her main goal is to create a sustainable living situation where she can take care of and support her entire family….on her property. Once she accomplishes that….then she can consider “sales” to the external world to bring in additional money. Can you imagine a world where the primary goal is NOT to make money…but rather to care for ones’ family? Kathia gave a tour of her finca….we were able to see multiple species of cacao that she grows (she’s one of the first in Costa Rica who implemented “grafting” to speed the growth of the cacao and also insure the health and vitality of her crop). She raises chickens, ducks, pigs and a multitude of other plants to sustain her family. She has one plant that is raised solely to create leaves to wrap the body in at burial…and is taboo to touch at any other time. We saw the chickens that will be butchered tomorrow and the pig that will become the main dish to bring in the new year. She has created an eco-village on her property passed from her grandmother to her mother to her…..to sustain and build a legacy of vitality for her children and her grandchildren. We were able to see the whole process of harvesting the cacao, sucking on a freshly cracked fruit…..watch the grilling of the beans, crush the beans, grind the beans…and ultimately experience the best chocolate I’ve ever tasted with dipped apple, oranges (grown on the finca) and kiwi…absolutely fabulous! Kathia’s passion for sustainable living, coming from the variety and abundance that she takes such great pride in….to the “pig poop pit” that creates a methane gas laboratory…so that she never needs to purchase gas to run her home’s burners…was truly inspiring.

Once we finished with our tour, Marissa took me on a tour of her town. Suretka is a community of approximately 1200 people. It’s on the Telire river, which serves as a hub and ultimately runs all the way to Panama. I was able to see people being shuttled across the river in canoes crafted with Costa Rican hard wood, and trucks picking up plantains that were delivered via the river and will be shipped to Europe. I was blessed to see the school where Marissa works, supporting the development and support of young people. We returned to her cabin and had just enough time for a quick swim in a creek behind her home that flows into the Telire river. The Telire river is one of the four sacred rivers within the BriBri culture. I was loving the swim and the cool water on my body…until I felt a tickle and realized it was the lips of a fish….tasting a gringo from afar.

As we settled into Marissa’s cabin for the evening….I couldn’t help but wonder….

Ø  What is enough? What really do we need?

Ø  How do we define happiness?

Ø  How do each of us define sustainability? What role do we each play in “making it happen?”

Ø  What’s our connection to the earth? How do we ensure that our footprint doesn’t detract from the world that we will leave our children?

Most importantly, I’ve taken away a huge sense of gratefulness and admiration for my daughter, Marissa, who will turn 25 on December 22nd. I couldn’t have imagined a more strong, independent woman than you’ve become Marissa. I’m so incredibly proud of your efforts to have a positive impact on our world. In short, your strength and perseverance push me to work to be a better man and father and to have an even bigger impact on the world around me through my life and decisions.

I love you so much Marissa and am so thankful that you shared this most intimate part of your world with me.

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